


Past, Present, End

by FieryAngel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Coda, Episode: s13e23 Let the Good Times Roll, First Kiss, Implied Sexual Content, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-08 21:56:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14703156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FieryAngel/pseuds/FieryAngel
Summary: "Whatever choices you make, whatever details you alter, we will always end up… here."-Endverse LuciferDean is faced with the same decision he had to make years before, but this time, his answer is 'yes.' He faces memories and mistakes from his past and admits feelings for Cas that haunt his present as he comes to terms with what he has to do.13x23 coda





	Past, Present, End

**Author's Note:**

> In my mind, Cas came back to life with his wings. Just go with it.

“What if you had your sword?”

As soon as the words left Dean’s lips he could _feel_ Cas stiffen behind him. The angel’s fear and disappointment was palpable, waves of terror thick in the air around Dean as his heart clenched in response. A million flashbacks flickered through his head in the span of seconds, his mind lingering for just a second on the last time he’d almost said ‘Yes,’ to Michael. Cas had been so angry as he slammed him against the wall in some back alley, so fierce and sexy as he crowded into Dean’s space and growled his displeasure through gritted teeth. 

Now, Cas was nothing but horrified resignation as he feebly said, “Dean. No.”

Dean wanted to turn back, to change his mind and face Cas and give into his own fear, but he knew if he turned around and saw him, he’d never be able to utter the one word he needed to say so he could save their family. 

He remembered Camp Chitaqua and the world he was unwillingly thrust into. It had been long since this decision needed making that even that future was in the past now. Dean was a fool to think that it was all over, that when 2014 came and went that he’d never be here. But he remembered what Lucifer had said to him was his future self laid dead as the Devil’s feet. 

_Lucifer had taunted him while wearing Sam. “I know you won't say yes to Michael, either. And I know you won't kill Sam. Whatever you do, you will always end up here. Whatever choices you make, whatever details you alter, we will always end up… here. I win. So, I win.”_

_”You're wrong,” Dean had answered, fear coiling in his gut as he wondered if he could even believe himself._

_”See you in five years, Dean,” Lucifer said, calmly, and Dean was pulled back to the present by Zachariah then pulled in yet another direction to Cas’ side to find the angel smiling at him in the softest little upturn at the corners of his mouth._

He can still remember the way his heart tripped in his chest as he saw Cas, how he felt warmth spread through his chest as he told the angel to never change. Now, looking back, he knew it was because he had started falling in love with Cas, probably had been a little more each day since the angel had walked into that barn, lights exploding and raining down sparks as Cas advanced on him, completely unshaken by the salt rounds being blasted at his torso. 

And now? Now, Dean was so far gone on Cas that he could feel his soul ache with it. In the weeks Cas had spent dead and confined to The Empty, Dean had felt hopeless… faithless in a way he hadn’t been since a time before he knew angels even existed. He slogged his way through the stages of grief, never quite reaching ‘Acceptance’ before Cas was mercifully returned to him. He owed Jack everything for reaching out to wake Cas and give him back to Dean. 

Dean thought back to that 2014 world, burned out, filled with Croats, all of humanity either wiped out or living as if they were stuck inside ‘The Walking Dead.’ Fighting to live, scraping by on expired canned goods, using leaves for toilet paper and in Castiel’s case, all the pills he could scrape up to numb the reality of losing his Grace. 

Dean winced guiltily as he recalled Cas’ brief time as a human and how he’d tossed the former angel out on his ass. Hell, even after seeing what being human could do to Cas in that 2014 vision, he’d done it anyway. He wouldn’t fail him this time. He would say yes to Michael and kill Lucifer. He would save Sam, Jack, Cas and all of humanity, even if it cost him his own life.

He remembered his future self’s words to him.

_”Well, when you get back home—you say 'yes'. You hear me? Say 'yes' to Michael.”_

He had to do it this time. He had no other choice. He’d seen a world in which Lucifer had won and Dean’s pathetic life wasn’t worth it. He could take the chance that Michael would never let him go if it meant his family was safe.

“I am your sword.” Dean said to Michael with conviction. “Your perfect vessel. With me you’d be stronger than you've ever been.”

“Oh, I know what you are,” Michael said.

“If we work together, can we beat Lucifer?” Dean asked.

“Dean,” Cas said softly, trying to get Dean to stop, to think it through instead of acting on impulse. Deep down he knew it would never work, not when Sam was in danger, but he had to try.

“Can we?” Dean growled, forcing himself to ignore Cas’ quiet plea.

“We have a chance,” Michael answered.

“Dean, you can’t,” Cas tried again, succeeding just enough to get Dean to finally turn and face him, but the determination he saw on Dean’s face shook him to his core. Dean’s mind was made up, and there was no changing it. 

“Lucifer has Sam. He has Jack,” He could feel himself breaking as he looked into the saddest pair of watery blue eyes he’d ever seen. HIs voice broke on his next words. “Cas, I don’t have a choice!”

Cas looked back at him, and Dean could almost feel the angel’s heart clench. He knew what it had been like for him when Cas died, how hard he’d hit rock bottom, and he allows himself a split second to wonder if Cas would react the same way. Sadly, something told him he would, but he couldn’t get hung up on it now, not with Sam and Jack and the entire world at stake. Lucifer was on a mission to destroy it all, to tear it down and watch it burn, and Dean couldn’t let that happen.

Dean turned back to Michael. “If we do this, it’s a one time deal. I’m in charge. You’re the engine, but I’m behind the wheel. Understand?”

Michael just smiled slyly and nodded.“It’s a deal. You only have to say, ‘Yes,’ Dean,” he said, and Dean could feel how eager the archangel was to get inside his skin. It was a red flag, he knew that, but he hadn’t been lying when he’d said he didn’t have a choice.

“I just need a minute,” Dean said, turning to face Cas.

His angel looked absolutely shattered. There would be no trying to talk Dean out of it this time. No slamming him against a wall and beating him until he gave in. No angry words spitting at him all that Cas had given up for him. There was only resignation now, and it tore Dean’s heart in two. 

Again, he thought back to the broken shell of the 2014 world and a Cas that was Cas, and yet not. A Cas so broken he had to be high or filling his hours with sex, or both to simply _feel_ something. 

Dean remembered how he had taken advantage of that situation to have something he’d never allowed himself with his own Cas. He could still feel the press of their bodies coming together, the gasps and moans he’d elicited from the former angel’s throat, the stretch and slide of that Cas entering him in the most intimate way. Dean knew in that moment that they were using each other, Dean getting what he’d never allow himself to take from his Cas and that Cas taking what he’d once had and long since lost as his own Dean grew colder and colder in that universe. 

He’d said ‘I love you,’ to that Cas. He’d forgotten that detail, but it all came flooding back now. It was whispered and pressed into the hair behind Cas’ ear as the former angel moved inside him, but he’d said it without meaning it, and the guilt of that weighed on Dean more than anything.

His own Cas had told Dean, ‘I love you,’ more than a year ago and Dean knew what it meant when Cas had added, ‘I love all of you,’ to the end. That first one was Dean’s alone, and so very different than the way Cas loved Sam and Mary, and it didn’t surprise him in the least. Deep down, Dean had known. Still, he remained a coward. He could never bring himself to say it back, even after Cas _died_ and was miraculously gifted back to him again. He felt it, every day, every time their eyes met, he felt it, hot and burning in his chest, but he could never just say it, could never make himself believe he deserved it. Happy endings weren’t in the cards for Dean Winchester.

Dean wasn’t a fool. He knew there was a good chance he wouldn’t come back from this. Michael would possess him, and there was a chance he wouldn’t let go once he’d had a taste of being inside his true vessel. But Dean had to believe it would be worth it. Saving the world, keeping the majority of his family together and safe would be worth it, even if he had to spend eternity trapped in some dark corner of his own mind until the day came that his family found a way to end Michael. He would go to his death in peace, knowing he saved them all. If by some miracle, he came back, well, he’d deal with the consequences of his next actions then.

“Cas,” it came out as nothing more than a choked whisper. Dean reached out, taking the angel’s hand in his and tugging gently before dropping it again. “Come with me a second?”

Castiel’s chin was quivering ever so slightly and tears were swimming in his eyes as he nodded and followed Dean down the hall to the bedroom wing of the bunker. Dean lead him into his own bedroom and sat on the bed, tugging on Cas’ hand until the angel dropped down next to him with a shaky sigh. He didn’t drop the hand this time, simply holding onto it to ground himself.

“Dean,” Cas said, pausing when he couldn’t think of anything he could say to make Dean change his mind.

“Cas, I don’t have much time, but I need to do this in case I don’t come back from this,” Dean said, his hand tightening its grip on Cas’ and squeezing until the angel turned to look at him. His free hand rose from his lap, cupping Cas’ cheek, his thumb tracing the stubble on his jaw as Cas leaned into the touch and closed his eyes before beating Dean to the punch.

“I love you, Dean,” Cas said, begrudgingly, as if he was angry about it, and Dean laughed.

“Don’t hate yourself for that, Cas. Don’t ever think that loving me is wrong or that I don’t want you the same way,” Dean smiled as Cas opened his eyes and looked at him again. His eyes were wide and glassy in disbelief. “Yeah, Cas. I love you too. Why did you think I brought you in here? Think I’d waste time for anything less important than this right now?”

Cas shook his head slightly, “I just never thought…”

“That I love you? Fuck, Cas, how could you ever doubt…”

Cas laughed a little, cutting Dean off. “No, I knew. I can feel your longing. I can see it in your eyes, and in your touch. I just never thought you’d say it or let yourself have this,” he motioned between them, “as anything more than friends. After I told you, you didn’t return it. I was dying and you couldn’t say it back. Then I did die, and even after…”

“I was an idiot, Cas. I should have told you years ago, but this situation we’re in? This is why. I can’t let myself have you when we just keep losing each other, but I dunno. For some reason, this time I couldn’t go without saying it. If I don’t come back, I’ll be trapped inside myself for eternity wondering ‘what if,’ and I knew I’d slowly go insane in there if I didn’t get this out. So, yeah, I fucking love you, and I’d really like it if you sent me off to war with a kiss.”

Cas blinked up at him and nodded, leaning in slowly as Dean’s hand slipped around to bury itself in the curled ends of his hair. Their foreheads rested against each other and they stayed like that for a few seconds, breathing the same air. Dean felt a hand come to rest on his thigh as Cas shifted his body closer and he tipped his chin forward, capturing Cas’ plush lips with his own. The kiss was sweet and subdued, their lips slotting together as if they’d finally found where they belonged. It deepened only the slightest, tongues barely brushing, fingers tightening, chests bumping, quiet sounds of approval sounding from each of them, and then it broke, Cas whimpering softly with the loss of it. 

“We’ll pick this up when I get back,” Dean said, sending up a silent prayer to Chuck, begging him to let Dean return to his angel because he really wanted to kiss him again… and more.

Cas’ eyes were closed, his chin wobbling as he tried to hold back the flood of tears threatening to burst forth and flow down his cheeks, but he nodded in agreement. 

“I want you there with me when I say yes,” Dean said. “But I need you to stay behind when I go. I need you safe because I can’t lose you again. And I need you to keep the others safe in case this goes sideways. Take care of Sam and Jack if I don't return.”

“Dean,” Cas actually sniffled and a tear ran down his cheek. His eyes had filled with tears in the past, but this was the first time he’d actually allowed them to fall. 

“Shh,” Dean soothed and brushed the tear away with his thumb. “I’ll fight, Cas. I’ll fight to get back to you every second of every day. And if Michael won’t let go, you find him and you break through. I’ll hear you Cas. Like the time I had The Mark and when you were under Naomi’s control… we get through to each other, Cas. You can reach me. You get to me and you make me expel him… but if you can’t… if Michael is too strong, you take care of him.”

“Dean, I can’t….”

“Find a way Cas. You take care of him and you keep our family safe.”

A fresh tear sprang free and snaked its way down Cas’ cheek. “Of course,” he finally agreed. He would do anything for Dean, and this was no different. 

Dean kissed him again, selfishness taking over as he stole a few more seconds they didn’t really have. “I love you.”

“I love you, Dean.”

Cas followed Dean back down the hall, back to where Michael waited, anticipation thrumming thorough him as he awaited the ‘Yes’ that would change everything. Dean squeezed Cas’ hand one last time and Cas surged forward, pulling Dean to him and kissing him soundly one last time. “Return to me, Dean.”

“I will,” Dean said between kisses.

“This is sweet, but Lucifer has your family,” Michael taunted, knowing exactly how to push Dean’s buttons in spite of their brief acquaintance with one another.

Dean pressed a final kiss to Cas’ lips, his eyes never leaving his angel’s even as he said, “Yes.”

Cas watched as Michael left his vessel, his true form bright and beautiful as it filled the room briefly before disappearing inside the man he loved. He watched as the archangel took root, as Dean’s emerald eyes dulled then changed, glowing bright with silver-blue Grace. Large, white wings spread wide behind him, filling the room. It pained Cas to admit hat Dean was beautiful like this, all that power thrumming inside him, the wings strong, full and imposing.

The glow dimmed and the archangel tucked his wings back. 

“Cas,” Dean said.

Cas could feel some of the tension he’d been holding onto melt away. Michael had kept his word so far. Dean was still had power over himself as the archangel rode shotgun, and the relief Cas felt was strong enough to make his knees feel a little weak. 

“Cas, you’re beautiful,” Dean was in awe. After almost ten years, he could perceive Cas’ true form, and it was almost blinding. He focused his sight, narrowing it down to take in the human form Cas had taken for nearly a decade. “I can see your wings. If I realized this would happen, I’d have let an angel in sooner.” a little laugh escaped him as he stepped closer and ran his fingertips over Cas’ plumage. 

Cas allowed himself a small smile when Dean kissed his forehead, frowning again when Dean stepped away.

“I’ll see you soon,” Dean said, and Cas let himself believe it as the man he loved disappeared in the beat of his new wings.

It wasn’t much later that he heard Dean’s prayer. 

_”We did it, Cas! Lucifer is dead. Sam and Jack are safe. We’ll be home s…_

The prayer cut off and Cas felt it the moment Michael took over. Dean was gone, possibly forever and now Cas had to fight to somehow keep every promise he’d made to him.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written in a fury this evening while trying to avoid all the other codas out there that I want to read. Typos are probably inevitable because of my haste. Feel free to point them out.


End file.
